September 8, 2011 ? 4:17 am
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Thank you to everyone who submitted questions for Momma.
Each week, my resident parenting expert, my MOMMA, (Dr. Eve-Marie Arce) who holds a B.A. in Child Development, a Masters in Early Childhood Education & Family Development and a doctorate in Organizational Leadership, has hosted a television parenting series and authored two Early Childhood Education books? will answer our parenting questions.
All the answers will be stored under the??ask my MOMMA??button so we all can refer to her answers for our future parenting predicaments.
Feel free to email your parenting questions to Momma at?askmomma@cecyj.com.
Live Splendid & Be Well,
Sibling Rivalry
My girls are 10 & 12 years old and I could not have given birth to children that are more different.? My 12-year old loves ballet and is very social.? School and friends seem to come pretty naturally to her and she maintains excellent grades.? My 10-year old daughter loves soccer and reading but has to work much harder at school.? She also struggles with building friendships.? It breaks my heart that they either fight all the time or just ignore each other completely.? I would never want to force a friendship but, as a mother, I dream that they?ll ?be there? for each other as they get older and become adults.? Any advice on how to manage the sibling rivalry and hopefully help facilitate a friendship?? Thanks Momma.
Lindsay,?Chicago, Illinois?
You have two pre-teen daughters who are very different. ?When you focus on both of those facts, (1) that they are pre-teens and (2) that they are different? it?s not unreasonable to expect behaviors and actions that express their respective developmental stage and their different personalities. ?There are several actions you can take now to manage the fighting: ?Recognize each of your daughter?s individual skills and talents. ?Reward them for their supportive efforts toward one another. ?Avoid comparative situations. ?At the same time have and enforce clear rules about interpersonal relationships such as, ?When you ?fight,? hitting and hurtful language are not allowed.? ?Let them know that fighting in public is totally unacceptable without exception. ?Be available to step in if one daughter is abusive or excessively controlling over the other. ?Most importantly, follow up and reestablish important guidelines for expected and respectful family behaviors so a friendship between them can develop more naturally.??
Although I?m not so sure your daughters have a ?rivalry? in the truest sense given their different interests, the term ?sibling rivalry? is interesting in connection with your question.? It was coined by a psychologist in the last century and the phenomena has been recorded historically throughout all cultures and religions that siblings will fight and yet, most often, they are the first to defend and protect their brother or sister in a confrontation. ?If this happens, you can expect that their relationship will positively evolve as they mature.
Source: http://cecyj.com/2011/09/08/4364/
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